Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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