i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
