Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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