I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
