you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
