We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
