Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
