you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
