just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
