can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
