I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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