I haven't been this sober since birth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
