I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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