If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
