I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize