We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
