im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You made out with two different species that night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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