i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize