This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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