Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize