Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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