she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Still dying that you shit outside
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
