It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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