DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
