$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
