He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
