Can i not drive my cunt home
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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