Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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