ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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