areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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