so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
