Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
