Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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