Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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