checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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