dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
