who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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