why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
