how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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