imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
