he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
