I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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