she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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