I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The Olympian is in my bed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
