i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
