dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
