I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
