i would punch a child for taco bell
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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