just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
