keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize