Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
