My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
