break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
