I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
this hospital has no fireball
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
