bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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