So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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