So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
