I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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