hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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