i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
