i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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