Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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