Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
