State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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