Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
