if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
