Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
