I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
