i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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