i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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