Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it

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  (773): I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it http://tfl.nu/d3ej
  Replies (2) Good night (2136) Bad night (917)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

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  (678): I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes. http://tfl.nu/k74c
  Replies (75) Good night (1037) Bad night (15503)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"

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  (404): its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock" http://tfl.nu/i9yu
  Replies (28) Good night (2815) Bad night (594)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.

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  (781): So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger. (603): Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat. http://tfl.nu/6067
  Replies (19) Good night (6794) Bad night (1206)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (2133) Bad night (7867)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get

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  (301): Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get http://tfl.nu/ews4
  Replies (64) Good night (5167) Bad night (1644)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.

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  (514): I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case. http://tfl.nu/sce4
  Replies (5) Good night (1227) Bad night (4082)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.

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  (215): the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign. http://tfl.nu/j53c
  Replies (7) Good night (3241) Bad night (759)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.

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  (724): i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand. http://tfl.nu/fmi9
  Replies (6) Good night (2379) Bad night (705)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know

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  (810): I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know http://tfl.nu/zbvb
  Replies (3) Good night (1996) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

  (850): View more from Florida

  This has already gotten way out of hand

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  (336): Two words. Shotgunning Cognac. (850): This has already gotten way out of hand http://tfl.nu/ow6e
  Replies (4) Good night (1392) Bad night (667)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom

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  (509): Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom http://tfl.nu/fom9
  Replies (18) Good night (3411) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours

  (325): View more from Texas

  Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin

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  (325): I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours (325): Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin http://tfl.nu/emaj
  Replies (11) Good night (1120) Bad night (353)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.

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  (724): I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever. http://tfl.nu/5x63
  Replies (0) Good night (450) Bad night (222)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.

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  (941): Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you. http://tfl.nu/c2ul
  Replies (0) Good night (439) Bad night (249)

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