you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?