Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later