Texts From Last Night

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  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper

  (574): View more from Indiana

  well at least shes not calling you fat anymore

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  (345): so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper (574): well at least shes not calling you fat anymore http://tfl.nu/rxln
  Replies (21) Good night (5893) Bad night (1071)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.

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  (440): This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/kbq6
  Replies (6) Good night (1095) Bad night (3319)
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  (619): View more from California

  There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.

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  (619): There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie. http://tfl.nu/om3k
  Replies (31) Good night (939) Bad night (3650)
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  (213): View more from California

  I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

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  (213): I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on. http://tfl.nu/rma0
  Replies (21) Good night (6444) Bad night (1586)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.

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  (206): He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful. http://tfl.nu/c0jh
  Replies (29) Good night (1101) Bad night (3549)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had

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  (902): you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had http://tfl.nu/lpp3
  Replies (9) Good night (3489) Bad night (827)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress

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  (302): I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress http://tfl.nu/yb5l
  Replies (16) Good night (5730) Bad night (1146)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.

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  (770): She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking. http://tfl.nu/77kz
  Replies (9) Good night (3162) Bad night (785)
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  (949): View more from California

  Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.

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  (949): Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night. http://tfl.nu/dgcc
  Replies (6) Good night (1985) Bad night (729)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?

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  (613): I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number? http://tfl.nu/y363
  Replies (14) Good night (1379) Bad night (658)
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  (310): View more from California

  OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?

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  (310): OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS? http://tfl.nu/ewib
  Replies (14) Good night (1883) Bad night (950)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"

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  (+44): The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work" http://tfl.nu/byzn
  Replies (8) Good night (1807) Bad night (828)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I have a hunch Mama J got around.

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?

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  (660): I have a hunch Mama J got around. (660): Am I allowed to say that about my own mom? http://tfl.nu/20rk
  Replies (4) Good night (425) Bad night (657)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?

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  (203): I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex? http://tfl.nu/agnf
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (563)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with

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  (443): Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with http://tfl.nu/mzbo
  Replies (1) Good night (421) Bad night (547)

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