WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
