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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Haym$ered

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turn off your phone and go to bed

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• (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  I believe so, yes.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.

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• (845): View more from New York

  You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful

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• (716): View more from New York

  I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch

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