Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..