Four minutes until I can fart!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
