I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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